During my years of singlehood, I heard many theories about how to get a date. I can now confidently say that I’ve filtered out the bogus theories, leaving you with a set of solid principles for developing healthy, long-term relationships. By definition, healthy and long-term means that there are no “pick-up artist” techniques listed here.
- Always do activities: that you either enjoy (e.g. tennis) or that improve yourself (e.g. going to the gym or taking a night course in public speaking). Try new activities occasionally. Also, don’t do knitting, Zumba, or anything else dominated by women unless you actually like the activity – otherwise you will be viewed as creepy.
- You will then meet acquaintances: This will also give you a chance to practice social skills, which are crucial for dating. Note that it is important to get to know people regardless of their age, gender, religion, etc. because of point 4.
- Some of these acquaintances will become friends: These will probably be people who are similar to you (e.g. age, personality, interests, …).
- Your social network will keep expanding: By spending time with people, you will meet more people. Interestingly, you will actually meet more new people through acquaintances, than through friends, because acquaintances can connect you to people from radically different social networks.
- Through luck: you will eventually meet someone that you click with and probably likes you back. Ask them out on a date.
There are three important points to emphasize:
- You have to keep doing activities: so that you keep improving yourself (social skills, confidence, expertise, etc.) and keep meeting new people. Meeting someone special happens eventually (which can be a long time!). Don’t just go to one or a couple of activities and then give up. If you make a permanent habit of doing activities, you are doing the only thing you can do: increasing your chances and hopefully having some fun in the process.
- Women are looking too: There is someone special out there who is trying to find someone with your exact personality. She may be struggling to find you. So use that as motivation to find her! When she realizes how much you click, she will make it obvious that she’s interested, because she wants you and you’ve been hard to find. In contrast, someone who doesn’t make it obvious probably doesn’t like you.
- You should supplement this with online dating: Note that online dating is less likely to work out compared to the above five steps because it involves strangers that you know next to nothing about. However, you can get first dates much faster so it’s still a valuable tool – at the very least for dating practice.
One final bit of information that is important but frequently omitted: If you are physically attractive, you can pretty much ignore all of the above advice and still get a date very quickly. My friend Jacklyn is beautiful (and intelligent, for that matter) and she gets asked out just by standing at the bus stop or sitting in a coffee shop. For her, “be yourself” is great advice.
But if you are unattractive like me, dating can be exponentially harder. You could be single for years like I was. But you know what? I still met someone by following the above advice. Life isn’t fair. All you can do is work on increasing your chances. I kept doing activities when I was single and I eventually met my true love due to an unexpected introduction by an acquaintance. That’s what people mean by “when you stop looking, you start finding”.
Until next time my friends, keep dating!