How I Regained The Will To Date

For most of my life I had been a shy guy who was afraid of talking to women and most importantly, rejection. I had had so many unlucky dating experiences that they deserve an entire separate post.

What changed me was a brush with death.

As I laid there in the Intensive Care Unit, with doctors talking about surgery, I realized that my whole life had been about being a people-pleaser, about not taking chances, and about being too concerned with potentially offending women by asking them out.

What if I died that night, not having experienced true love, just because I had been too scared to risk embarrassment? Career achievements aside, what would have been the point of my life?

So I promised myself that I would finally be authentic. I would pursue whoever I wanted, and not worry about what other people would think — if I survived. My hope is that this blog post will inspire you to get out of your shell and risk failure. Pursue self-improvement and pursue love. Don’t wait!

The late entrepreneur, Steve Jobs, put it best in his Stanford 2005 Commencement Address. I’ve linked to what I thought were the two most powerful parts of his speech:

  • Part 1: “… for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

    “Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

  • Part 2: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Until next time my friends, keep dating!